November 7, 2006
"I want to distract you."
Things I learned today:
1) I want to acquire something tangible from each day.
2) When you're crazy, how you look or act is not your fault. (If you're sane, well, then it is.)
3) Seven countries end in the letters "stan".
November 6, 2006
"I'm not scared."
Things I learned today:
1) Silent films on eskimos in 1922 are enthralling.
2) I forgive, but I forget.
3) Tomorrow is in the present.
November 5, 2006
"What would Jesus not do?"
Things I learned today:
1) Squirrels are evil.
2) Trash bags are an unspoken necessity in life.
3) Coffee can be more addictive than cigarettes.
November 4, 2006
"You guys are assholes."
Things I learned today:
1) It's not always best to find out for yourself.
2) It is always best to be tucked in at night.
November 3, 2006
"See me after class."
Things I learned today:
1) Never take directions from a man selling boiled peanuts on the roadside.
2) Bike rides clear my mind.
3) Sometimes the unreal is more powerful than the real.
4) Without access to true chaos, we'll never have true peace.
5) Swaying can be upsetting for some.
6) Shushing someone is extremely unattractive.
November 2, 2006
"143."
Things I learned today:
1) Watching people climb trees is entertaining.
2) Anything new, different, or original is probably against the law.
3) Nipple rings can be hazardous in a life-threatening situation.
4) How to save lives.
5) Long walks in the cold are warming.
6) I wish I could fossilize some moments.
November 1, 2006
"Everything in moderation."
Things I learned today:
1) The library gives me a false sense of productivity.
2) It is illegal to orally ingest duck dander in nine American states due to its intense hallucinogenic properties.
3) Everything is made to be broken.
4) No matter what you say, someone will find a way to take it the wrong way.
October 31, 2006
"Happy Whore-o-ween."
Things I learned today:
1) Slutty is the new scary.
2) Lab equipment is always fragile.
3) I lost my spirit for Halloween.
October 30, 2006
"Come on!"
Things I learned today:
1) What my priorities should be are inconsistent to what I want them to be.
2) The days are getting shorter and I don't like it.
3) I don't want to ever be on the rebound.
October 29, 2006
"No shit."
Things I learned today:
1) 94 percent of websites have not been updated during the past week.
2) Defecating on someone's doorstep is beyond repulsive.
3) You can never go wrong with a cookie cake.
October 28, 2006
"Hey. Why not?"
Things I learned today:
1) An A/C vent is a good place to hide someone's shoe.
2) Chicken salad can look very questionable.
3) The Florida Mall is just as fun as I remember it 15 years ago.
4) Laughing on a full stomach is painful.
5) I can be devious.
6) Don't use a siphon to drink alcohol.
October 27, 2006
"Everytime I see you, you have something spilled on your shirt."
Things I learned today:
1) Applesauce really can substitute oil in a cake.
2) Post-it notes are really sticky.
3) A child's cuteness peaks at age five.
October 26, 2006
"You're going to be on your knees all night."
Things I learned today:
1) Before any other actions take place, one must make sure the scene is safe.
2) The average recoil force from urination is 0.3 Newtons.
October 25, 2006
"Do you want to live a lie?"
Things I learned today:
1) The best kind of people drink scotch.
2) You gain power by pretending to be weak.
3) All you have to do is be fragile and grateful.
4) It shouldn't be so hard to discern a joke from actuality.
5) It's okay to cry as long as you're faking it.
October 24, 2006
"Those UV rays are dangerous!"
Things I learned today:
1) Never overcrowd an elevator.
2) Eye lenses are really hard.
3) Formaldehyde preserves tissue or cells by irreversibly connecting a primary amine group in protein with a nearby nitrogen in protein or DNA.
4) Pigs are just like us!
5) It's hard to be a person.
October 23, 2006
"You can't hug your children with nuclear arms."
Things I learned today:
1) October is national cyber security awareness month.
2) Steel wool cleans bikes.
3) Until you find something to fight for, you settle for something to fight against.
4) I've a fondness for people who get my jokes.
5) I wish someone could infinitely massage my head.
October 22, 2006
"I hate you from the heart."
Things I learned today:
1) I want to sleep less.
2) It can be toilsome to admit what you're feeling.
3) Thinking is the best way to travel.
4) There is way too much English slang, which is whack.
5) I'm not always cognizant of how I say things.
6) Music triggers my memory often.
October 21, 2006
"I want to get you wet; you're dirty."
Things I learned today:
1) I want to give a little bit more and take a little bit less.
2) When you pray, no one is listening. Furthermore, you look ridiculous.
3) People I don't know, know me.
4) Nicotine can stunt the development and growth of facial hair in young men.
5) Glow sticks explode quite readily.
October 20, 2006
"Be easy!"
Things I learned today:
1) Success is ambiguous.
2) A widespread LSD revelation of the mind could make this country great.
3) Glory holes were once prevalent across campus.
4) Sex hormones are easily absorbed through skin.
5) Stereotypes are almost always true.
October 19, 2006
"Bad weather on a good day."
Things I learned today:
1) Wetlands are very important to our ecosystem.
2) You shouldn't have to scrutinize to find beauty.
3) A plethora of SN2 and SN1 reactions, nucleophilicity, polar protic solvents, solvolysis, polarizability, free radicals, mechanisms, and carbocations.
October 18, 2006
"It's time to reevaluate your friends."
Things I learned today:
1) It feels good to be productive.
2) Wal-mart is one big impulse buying store.
3) Frisbee is fun, I don't care what you say.
4) If I found a lot of money, I'm not sure what I would do.
5) It's better to be selfless than selfish.
October 17, 2006
"You're a joke."
Things I learned today:
1) Lab practicals are not fun.
2) I no longer strive for perfection.
3) Not to read You Are Worthless. ( A book of depressing nuggets of wisdom sure to ruin your day.)
October 16, 2006
"Don't make a good thing bad."
Things I learned today:
1) The best way to change a system is to wait until it changes.
2) Some things I just don't want to know.
3) Even the lucky man has a bad day.
4) Element 118 was added to the Periodic Table today as the heaviest substance known.
October 15, 2006
"Take a walk on the wild side."
Things I learned today:
1) The walls in my living quarters are veritably thin.
2) It takes time.
3) All the world's deranged.
October 14, 2006
"I want to go to sleep and wake up tomorrow."
Things I learned today:
1) People think they need unnecessary items bagged at the grocery store.
2) Hookah isn't cheap.
3) Pumpkin goop feels oh so good.
4) Pumpkin carving takes no skill.
5) Baking pumpkin seeds, however, takes lots of skill, and I've got it.
6) Florida can get cold again. At least for a day.
October 13, 2006
"Hey! Guess what!"
Things I learned today:
1) Always be aware of who is walking behind you.
2) I want to be like the guy in Girl Talk.
3) It's safe to eat spinach again, but watch out for California- grown lettuce.
4) Patron is fancy.
5) This is the first Friday in 476 years where all the digits in the numerical notation (10/13/2006) add up to 13.
October 12, 2006
"Don't die trying, try dying."
Things I learned today:
1) I'm inadvertently becoming a vegetarian.
2) I don't want to be a cowgirl.
October 11, 2006
"I always have a quotation for everything; it saves original thinking."
Things I learned today:
1) Staying up all night makes the whole week seem longer.
2) It can happen if we want it to.
3) Teaching someone how to love is a fair trade for almost anything.
4) It's best to not socialize with co-workers outside of work.
October 10, 2006
"You're like playing with fire."
Things I learned today:
1) People judge others too critically.
2) I want to carve a pumpkin.
3) Pissing in your shoes won't keep your feet warm for long.
October 9, 2006
"You can bet your bottom dollar."
Things I learned today:
1) The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
2) I don't know much about lost tribes and sunken continents.
3) It's better to get up later and be wide awake than to wake up early and be asleep all day.
October 8, 2006
"Get well now."
Things I learned today:
1) Aardvarks blink only once every ten minutes.
2) Neptune is the only planet with three magnetic poles.
3) I am exhausted if I don't work.
October 7, 2006
"Could you hurry up?"
Things I learned today:
1) Silent alarms don't wake me up.
2) Skateboarding inside is dangerous.
3) If sufficiently hungry, a Leopard gecko will "drop" its tail and eat it.
October 6, 2006
"Rwarrr, kitty wants candy!"
Things I learned today:
1) Homecoming is an opportune time to dismiss classes.
2) When parades are boring, walk in the opposite direction.
3) Bone constructs fine jewelry.
4) Mellow Mushroom is overpriced.
5) Gator Growl was a blunder. (except for the fireworks)
6) Brownies can be special too.
October 5, 2006
"I don't need you, you're a luxury."
Things I learned today:
1) Under proper conditions, my African Violet will bloom almost continually indoors.
2) I want a miniature australian shepherd.
3) Temporarily taking care of a puppy is uplifting.
4) Intoxicated bike rides are thrilling.
5) North Korea sucks.
October 4, 2006
"So what?"
Things I learned today:
1) I love napping outdoors.
2) Gainesville has city limits for a legitimate reason.
3) 2-ply toilet paper on campus is worth the extra taxpayer's dollar.
4) Fixed gear bikes are tricky, but fun.
October 3, 2006
"I don't know about God, but I believe in you."
Things I learned today:
1) Change can be good, as long as it's still open to change.
October 2, 2006
"I'm so hip, I'm hep."
Things I learned today:
1) Alarm clocks cannot be trusted.
2) Mr. Show is a good aid to get through long and boring lectures.
3) There's a nice park near me.
4) Reggae Shack Cafe has tastey curry tempeh.
5) First Contact is a captivating documentary about Western civilization in New Guinea.
6) Everyone's shit smells the same, regardless of race.
7) There's drama on the dance floor.
October 1, 2006
"You've got potential."
Things I learned today:
1) Organic chemistry consumes too much of my time.
2) Everyone has a talent.
3) If you argue correctly, you're never wrong.
September 30, 2006
"Listen! Do you smell something?"
Things I learned today:
1) I did not want to wake up at 7.
2) The managerial staff at Publix works really diligently.
3) Homemade sangria is delicious.
September 29, 2006
"Hi, I'm looking for trouble."
Things I learned today:
1) Cops take unnecessary actions to subdue boredom.
2) The news is depressing.
3) Hills are thrilling.
4) Loose lips sink ships.
5) Roofs always make a fun place to hang out.
6) Guys are strange.
September 28, 2006
"What is Africa?"
Things I learned today:
1) The best haircuts are those with preceding head massages.
2) Any noise in the public restroom that does not emanate from the plumbing is extremely undesireable.
3) I'm exceptionally unproductive sometimes.
4) All drug store shampoos and conditioners have alcohol and silicone in them.
5) The first item ever sold on eBay was a broken laser pointer.
September 27, 2006
"Let me tell you what it was like to be cool."
Things I learned today:
1) I'd rather receive a zero on a paper/quiz than shamefully try and consequently fail.
2) I feel like I'm going to miss out on something.
3) People who don't cycle are the worst drivers.
4) I hate love [bugs]. Especially on my car.
5) I solemnly swear to take the best care of my new camera.
6) It's advantageous to be vague.
7) Wal-mart is a better store when less people are there.
8) Everything I think I know could be wrong. (Including that statement)
September 26, 2006
"I told a lie that was true."
Things I learned today:
1) A bicycle helmet provides virtually no protection in an accident with a net speed difference more than 30 miles per hour.
2) There is hope for cooler weather.
3) Crayfish are boring disection pieces.
4) I love observing oblivious people.
5) I'm constantly throwing a party in life, but it's still too early for people to show up.
September 25, 2006
"Good for you."
Things I learned today:
1) Sincerity doesn't make it real.
2) The government's denial puts people at risk.
3) About 80% of cultivated barley in the United States is used in beer production.
4) I love ridiculous analogies.
September 24, 2006
"The force is with you."
Things I learned today:
1) I'm a horrible liar.
2) All life is a chance.
3) Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.
September 23, 2006
"Shiver me timbers!"
Things I learned today:
1) The Pirate Dinner Adventure got me a ton of booty.
2) I miss a lot of my friends.
3) Awkwardness lurks in my shadow.
September 22, 2006
"Let's find out if a knuckle sandwhich is kosher."
Things I learned today:
1) Sometimes losing is glorious.
2) It costs more to make a penny than it's worth.
3) Sleep devours my life when I'm sick.
September 21, 2006
"I love life."
Things I learned today:
1) Baseball caps are worn backwards 18.4 percent of the time.
2) Good things happen to good people.
3) Don't get hung up on anything.
September 20, 2006
"That's a stupid thing to say and you're a stupid person for saying it."
Things I learned today:
1) When life gives you racism, make racist lemonade.
2) The waiting is the hardest part.
3) Porn is at its greatest quality when displayed on a deck of cards.
September 19, 2006
"This is my first time!"
Things I learned today:
1) I prefer to not kill what I have to disect.
2) To euthanize an earthworm, place it in ethyl alcohol for 5- 15 minutes.
3) Walking barefoot in a rainstorm beats sopping shoes.
September 18, 2006
"So it goes."
Things I learned today:
1) All the effort in the world won't matter if you're not inspired.
2) I need some inspiration.
September 17, 2006
"When I was your age, Pluto was a planet."
Things I learned today:
1) I've contracted my annual cold.
2) There's a fine line between being picky and being obsessive compulsive.
3) Spinach can get infected with the E. Coli bacteria.
4) I want to have a greater passion for something.
September 16, 2006
"I don't get no respect!"
Things I learned today:
1) Sorority houses are like hotels.
2) People at FSU take football way too seriously.
3) I love reminiscing with people I don't know.
September 15. 2006
"I want to have your abortion."
Things I learned today:
1) Equations are the devil's sentences.
2) It could always be worse.
3) I don't want to die without any scars.
September 14, 2006
"Cake or death?"
Things I learned today:
1) Turtles can breathe out their mouth and anus.
2) Giving a fly glasses is like giving a bear nunchucks.
September 13, 2006
"Faggot."
Things I learned today:
1) The correct euphemism for obesity is overnourishment.
2) You have to consider the possibility that God does not like you.
September 12, 2006
"Trust me. "
Things I learned today:
1) Habitually losing things makes me a loser.
September 11, 2006
"A gift that isn't enjoyed is like a flower that doesn't blossom."
Things I learned today:
1) I know that I relatively don't know anything.
2) You can tell a lot about a person solely by his discourse.
3) Always draw bikes starting with the frame first.
September 10, 2006
"Do you need some help with that itch?"
Things I learned today:
1) Breast pockets are very practical.
2) Use, don't abuse.
3) Staying awake is half the battle.
September 9, 2006
"What would you do with a drunken sailor?"
Things I learned today:
1) Dressing up like sailors is really fun.
2) Seeing my friends from other cities all together in Gainesville is more fun.
3) 200 year old wolf pussy exudes foul odor.
September 8, 2006
"Your mother is so old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper."
Things I learned today:
1) Beetles taste like apples.
2) Orchids have been considered to be aphrodisiacs.
3) Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.
September 7, 2006
"You gave me candies made of mud."
Things I learned today:
1) 91 percent of rocket mission failures occur within five minutes of takeoff or landing.
2) On average, tomatoes picked in the dark will stay ripe for two days longer than those picked during daylight hours.
3) Abscesses are bad news.
September 6, 2006
"I keep nailing studs."
Things I learned today:
1) People with iron deficiencies sometimes crave dirt.
2) When entering a public restroom, the person exiting has the right of way.
3) Life is a stream of collective consciousness forming the perfect sentence that will end with an exclamation point.
September 5, 2006
"Are you experienced?"
Things I learned today:
1) There's a wrong way to put up streamers.
2) It's a good thing people can't pick their children like they can their pets.
3) Girls are delusional.
September 4, 2006
"Stick to your guns."
Things I learned today:
1) Smokers eliminate caffeine twice as quickly as non-smokers.
2) If an elephant is tied to a parking meter, it must pay the same fees as a car.
September 3, 2006
"Crikey!"
Things I learned today:
1) My noisy neighbors are bothersome.
2) Don't settle.
3) Can openers are a much needed tool.
4) Expect the unexpected.
5) We are only alive to meet death.
September 2, 2006
"So do you live around here often?"
Things I learned today:
1) My dog likes the Lion King.
2) It's even hotter out than yesterday.
3) Never drive in Gainesville on game day.
4) Biking past motorists is a satisfying feeling.
5) Free groceries taste better.
September 1, 2006
"I xeroxed my watch. Now I have time to spare."
Things I learned today:
1) How to measure the correct amout of fertilizer for a lawn.
2) Kittens are always 100 times cuter than cats.
August 31, 2006
"The sky fell."
Things I learned today:
1) Organic chemistry is hard.
2) Charcoal art is fun.
3) Nude art is just better art.
August 30, 2006
"I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control."
Things I learned today:
1) Cows are among the few herbivores that will become cannibalistic if starving.
2) Raincoats should be lined with a better material to prevent stickiness.
3) Authorities think rain is a valid reason to cancel school.
4) Third wheels are only good for tricycles.
August 29, 2006
"I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize."
Things I learned today:
1) There aren't enough days in the weekend.
2) Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
3) No word in the English language rhymes with 'month'.
August 28, 2006
"Mondays are a bad way to spend 1/7 of your life."
Things I learned today:
1) You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
2) Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
3) Turtles can breathe through their butts.
4) If you believe the tabloids, Lost Tribes and Sunken Continents is not the class for you.
5) Rob and Ben from Koufax are nice and fun guys.
6) I'm not a fan, I'm a friend.
August 27, 2006
"Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow."
Things I learned today:
1) It's such a great feeling to wake up next to awesome friends proposing fresh breakfast.
2) My shin is a good device for finding furniture in the dark.
3) The severity of an itch is proportional to the reach.
4) The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
August 26, 2006
"Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have."
Things I learned today:
1) iPods cause accidents.
2) Bharatanatyam is one of the five major styles of classical Indian dance. The dancer resembles the movement of a dancing flame.
3) Girls like guys with double exhaust.
4) Sausage fests are actually just parties where people cook and eat a lot of sausage.
August 25, 2006
"We aren't blocking traffic; we are traffic."
Things I learned today:
1) Pluto is now referred to as a "dwarf planet".
2) Cows moo with an accent.
3) No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.
4) Critical mass is a thrilling event to take part in.
5) I've been assured all cops are jerks.
August 24, 2006
"Let's go to The Top."
Things I learned today:
1) Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
2) I'm going to be spending a lot of time on my knees in class.
3) The gift of flowers will make anyone smile.
4) Horticulture is fun.
August 23, 2006
"May we borrow your plunger?"
Things I learned today:
1) Plungers are officially known as a hydroforce blast cup.
2) I need to drop a class.
3) Waking up at 7:45 results in a nap by 9:30.
4) Learning is fun!
August 22, 2006
"You're going to have a good day. Sir."
Things I learned today:
1) Learning costs a lot of money.
2) The aim of life is self-development.
3) I can resist anything but temptation.
August 21, 2006
"Try to see it my way."
Things I learned today:
1) There's no time for fussing and fighting.
2) It's all about timing.
3) There are 15 other conventional uses for vodka.
4) Coupons make you spend more money.
5) Blue Moon is my favorite beer.
August 20, 2006
"God made me an atheist."
Things I learned today:
1) No four-cylinder used vehicle should have a racing stripe.
2) If you can laugh at yourself, loud and hard, every time you fall, people will think you’re drunk.
3) The world's 7 tallest buildings would fit inside the world's 7 tallest ships.
4) Nobody needs cable when there's internet.
August 19, 2006
"Science Matters!"
Things I learned today:
1) Truth comes from the gut.
2) Sam Adams beer is made with more hops.
3) Cherry wheat beer is tastey.
4) If you give bad hugs, you suck at life.
5) Doing good deeds for people really does pay off.
6) Rambutan are cool looking fruit.
August 18, 2006
"Behind every great fortune [cookie] there is a crime."
Things I learned today:
1) My respect for others will be my ticket to success.
2) Never go to buffetts when on a time restraint.
3) I don't like being in the middle of people's issues.
4) Contrary to popular depiction, most barns are white, not red.
August 17, 2006
"My favorite animal is steak."
Things I learned today:
1) Jokes aren't about people's feelings.
2) Main Street is sketchy.
3) [iTunes] Sharing is caring.
4) Charm is the quality in others that makes us more satisfied with ourselves.
August 16, 2006
"Hate the sin, love the sinner."
Things I learned today:
1) It takes me approximately 2.5 minutes to ride to campus from my apartment.
2) Having a city library card makes me feel more important.
3) I like building things.
4) My new executive chair makes me feel more controlling.
August 15, 2006
"I like my dates pitted."
Things I learned today:
1) Believe in what you want.
2) Society gave the word flaccid a negative connotation.
3) I detest the conventional alarm clock sound.
4) Never trust a new dance night.
5) Last minute social gatherings can turn out quite nicely.
6) I have a cool neighbor.
7) Ice cream and lotion make for an exhilarating evening.
August 14, 2006
"I read part of it all the way through. "
Things I learned today:
1) Daft Punk has nifty videos that correspond to Discovery.
2) It's important to love your bed.
3) It actually takes me 32 seconds to leisurely walk to the beer/liquor store from my back doorstep.
August 13, 2006
"That music is better than it sounds. "
Things I learned today:
1) I no longer feel my archives are 'astonishing'.
2) Other than humans, baboons are the only other animal that masturbate.
3) Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right.
August 12, 2006
"I went to go see a fight and a hockey game broke out."
Things I learned today:
1) Both U.S. Senators representing the same state are forbidden from traveling in the same car or plane.
2) I don't like helping friends move. I'd rather help them stay put.
3) I need a bed.
4) Wine is more fun when it's in a juice box.
August 11, 2006
"I'm going to destroy you. "
Things I learned today:
1) Everyone loves a rebel.
2) You should exercise caution.
3) 10 year olds have a lot more on their minds than I thought.
4) Gorilla glue is the strongest glue on Earth. Really.
5) I don't like goodbyes. Or any mood of byes.
August 10, 2006
"War is not nice."
Things I learned today:
1) The world really is crazy.
2) Never take the advice of someone who has not had your kind of trouble.
3) Sitting in a cramped waiting room for 2 hours sure makes the doctor visit more noteworthy.
4) Less wires account for more fun.
5) I hate having to pay to go to a flamboyant club where I just end up feeling flawed.
August 9, 2006
"Make today the day."
Things I learned today:
1) Life is just a bowl of pits.
2) Silence is golden when you can't think of a good answer.
3) Success is relative.
4) Things are more like they are now than ever were before.
August 8, 2006
"Knowing is half the battle, and we unfortunately didn't know shit."
Things I learned today:
1) A joke's a very serious things.
2) Wearing socks with flip-flops or sandals increases the occurrence of foot fungus.
August 7, 2006
"I have work to do, why aren't you doing it?"
Things I learned today:
1) If we're not careful, robots will kill us all.
2) Every once in awhile a well-oiled machine needs a little extra lube to function at it's optimum level.
3) Straight people get more cheese on their sandwiches at delis.
4) Body builders are always vain and veiny. (That is not a stereotype.)
August 6, 2006
"I wasn't pushing you away, I was pulling myself closer to me."
Things I learned today:
1) Bill Gates' favorite fruit are apples.
2) Two pictures are worth two-thousand words.
3) Sometimes when life deals you a bad hand, you can call for a re-deal, and it all works out!!
August 5, 2006
"What a mess!"
Things I learned today:
1) You can't go on thinking nothing's wrong.
2) I enjoy meeting my friends' parents.
3) Death is not the greatest of dinner conversations.
4) Explaining to others what tribe I belong in is a very exciting task.
5) I'm convinced the drive home at night is shorter than in the daytime.
6) Jeremy Jones is still alive.
7) Whenever possible, I try to drink out of the largest cup/goblet available to me.
August 4, 2006
"All the good girls are home with broken hearts."
Things I learned today:
1) I feel better about myself after hammering and screwing things all day. Er, I like tools.
2) Cici's Pizza is totally worth $4.
3) Painting clears my thoughts.
4) Sleeping on the floor with no pillow or blanket is not cozy.
5) Love isn't a decision, it's a feeling.
August 3, 2006
"Ready to die. "
Things I learned today:
1) I will remember tonight.
2) Nothing surpasses the overwhelming sense of excitement, well being, life affirming, adrenaline rushing moments that happen when you really love something.
3) Hospitals should know their location very well and how to get there without any problems.
4) A friend of Andrew W.K. truly is a friend of mine.
August 2, 2006
"You've changed."
Things I learned today:
1) There's something more satisfying about reading articles in the actual newspaper rather than on the internet.
2) A false feeling of authority is still a good feeling.
3) Riding my bike 47 miles is very invigorating. After a shower, that is.
August 1, 2006
"Maybe all I need is a shot in the arm."
Things I learned today:
1) It's easier to stay out than to get out.
2) It's too close [and colossal] for comfort.
July 31, 2006
"The future will be better tomorrow."
Things I learned today:
1) You can have it all.
July 30, 2006
"Ill deeds are doubled with an evil word."
Things I learned today:
1) Sarah Silverman jokes are not good ice breakers.
2) Never tell everything at once.
3) We cannot control the evil tongues of others, but a good life enables us to disregard them.
July 29, 2006
"Pick your poison."
Things I learned today:
1) Disopiaephobia, a rare condition in which people fear anything in their peripheral vision, afflicts two in every million people.
2) A hairy ass is better than being in a hot tub with a shirt on.
3) I want to learn how to play the ukulele.
July 28, 2006
"Yakety Yak."
Things I learned today:
1) Don't talk back.
2) 92 percent of rain falls into one of the world's oceans.
3) It's normal to be sore the day after [your workout].
4) Make it last.
July 27, 2006
"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."
Things I learned today:
1) I'm still very talented in Super Nintendo's Mario World.
2) My attitude is easily altered by others' negative character.
3) You can't make new old friends.
July 26, 2006
"It's okay, I'm bringing it back."
Things I learned today:
1) It's a good idea to stay indoors during thunderstorms, even if it's for the sake of your hearing.
2) A bolt of lightning can reach 50,000 degrees Fahrenheit. That's about five times hotter than the surface of the sun.
3) A euphemism for bestiality is inter-species erotica.
4) Never go ass to mouth.
July 25, 2006
"I'm what the world needs."
Things I learned today:
1) It pays to know people.
2) A clean car is a happy car.
3) I need more tools. The ones I have aren't getting the job done.
4) The Colbert Report is worth considering cable.
July 24, 2006
"Sorry, I was just doing Kegel exercises. And you didn't even know!"
Things I learned today:
1) You can't miss what you forget.
2) We make fun of what we're not afraid of.
3) Everything is fair game.
4) Babies love ethnic jokes.
5) You can tell if an ID is real by holding it up to a black light.
6) Slow and steady wins the race.
July 23, 2006
"Loosey-Goosey."
Things I learned today:
1) 35 percent of numbers and statistics cited daily across America are later found to be false or in some way inaccurate.
2) The above statement is 65 percent accurate.
3) Steroids make you look ugly.
4) The public will believe anything.
July 22, 2006
"Back to back."
Things I learned today:
1) I don't whisper softly enough.
2) I get a guilty conscience easily.
3) Flowers make everything better.
4) If you set your standards low, things will always turn out better than expected.
5) There's always that guy at every party.
July 21, 2006
"What you don't see with your eyes, don't invent with your mouth."
Things I learned today:
1) The reverse side also has a reverse side.
2) Some people never change, for the worse.
3) Once a sham, always a sham.
4) The average successful convenience store robber gets away with $537.
5) My house feels more like a military base.
6) I will continue to drink all of my beverages with my pinky up.
July 20, 2006
"This is what cool looks like."
Things I learned today:
1) I'll never understand why people wear shirts that say dumb things.
2) Vodka and water with a lemon is actually good.
July 19, 2006
"Can I steal you for a minute?"
Things I learned today:
1) Love is a present that can be given every single day you live. (Taken from my fortune cookie)
2) The Salvation army has overpriced furniture.
3) Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.
July 18, 2006
"Doo-wop."
Things I learned today:
1) 22 percent of Americans say they feel less safe when they see a police officer on the street.
2) I fall into the above percentage.
3) I need a new derailleur for my bicycle.
4) Don't stare. You'll get caught.
July 17, 2006
"This is ghetto fabulous."
Things I learned today:
1) Bike theft is extremely easy, even around populated and crowded areas.
2) It's a good idea to have hobbies that don't involve electricity.
3) Showering in the dark is mysteriously exhilarative.
July 16, 2006
"Still humping the American dream."
Things I learned today:
1) Feigning alertness on 3 hours of sleep is a difficult task.
2) Childhood stories are the best.
3) The only reason to be alive is to enjoy it.
July 15, 2006
"Don't take any guff from these fucking swine."
Things I learned today:
1) Scotch tape was named after the inventors preferred beverage.
2) Unicycles are explicitly banned from using bike lanes in 17 states.
3) Downtown Orlando sucks on Saturdays.
4) I've remained decent at ping pong.
5) A high score in pinball is not a respectable skill.
6) You can turn your back on a person, but never turn your back on a drug.
7) Mescaline is an alkaloid drug obtained from buttons of a small cactus.
July 14, 2006
"Radically uneventful."
Things I learned today:
1) Traits have really skipped generations in my family; I hope I don't have a kid like my mom.
2) Grandma will spoil me no matter how old I get.
3) One out of 10 Japanese men describe themselves as "addicted to horse racing."
4) Roman candles and bottle rockets can make any night complete.
5) Window washing is innocently provocative.
July 13, 2006
"Here's a story for the kids."
Things I learned today:
1) You can't bowl with bumpers unless you are 8 or younger. Birth certificates and facial features are scrutinized and disputed.
2) Time passes three times faster at Target.
3) Some guys really don't understand the meaning of 'no'.
July 12, 2006
"Death's brother, Sleep."
Things I learned today:
1) The best way out is always through.
2) My bowling skills have declined steadily since my peak in the 5th grade.
3) Conclusions are not always gratifying.
July 11, 2006
"Free slurpee day."
Things I learned today:
1) Slurpees originated in 1967.
2) Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it.
3) It's more fun to get a haircut while intoxicated.
4) I'm slowly giving up, after trying too hard for too long.
July 10, 2006
"I hate work so let's play."
Things I learned today:
1) Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work.
2) I should probably bring my phone with me on bike rides for instances like today.
3) Hold on loosely, but dont let go. If you cling too tightly, you're gonna lose control.
July 9, 2006
"I wouldn't normally do this kind of thing."
Things I learned today:
1) It's better to have a friend with a boat than to own one yourself.
2) A plethora of insects really irritates me.
3) Daisies are better than pansies.
4) None of us find as much happiness in this life as we should.
July 8, 2006
"Please get Off on me now! [The bugs are relentless!]"
Things I learned today:
1) Don't apply bug spray on your face.
2) Going 60 miles out of the way is the appropriate time to start drinking.
3) Camping in the summer is a bad idea.
4) The ocean is full of mysterious things.
5) My watch isn't impervious to water.
July 7, 2006
"Even if it means me taking a chubby, I will suck it up."
Things I learned today:
1) I'd rather make no plans at all than to make plans that fall through.
2) Discounted meals taste better.
3) Naps during the rain are 350% more exceptional than contrasted weather conditions.
July 6, 2006
"I'm rich, bitch!"
Things I learned today:
1) A lady was nice enough to give me a million dollar bill today. On the backside it read this: "The million dollar question: Will you go to Heaven? Here's a quick test. Have you ever told a lie, stolen anything, or used God's name in vain? Jesus said, 'Whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.' Have you looked with lust? Will you be guilty on Judgment Day? If you have done those things, God sees you as a lying, thieving blasphemous, adulterer-at-heart. The Bible warns that if you are guilty you will end up in Hell. That's not God's will. He sent His Son to suffer and die on the cross for you. Jesus took your punishment upon Himself. Then He rose from the dead and defeated death. Please repent and trust in Jesus, and God will grant you everlasting life. Then read your Bible daily and obey it."
2) I'm going to hell.
3) Evangelism is ridiculous.
4) The more money I try to save, the more I have to spend.
5) I'm poor.
6) How to do the no pants dance.
July 5, 2006
"With friends like you, who needs friends?"
Things I learned today:
1) I don't have very good veins.
2) Unnecessary pain is justified with a 5 dollar bill.
3) There can be a thin line between sensitvity and heartlessness.
4) A person who brushes their teeth twice a day removes 14 grams of plaque every year.
July 4, 2006
"America's one of the finest countries anyone ever stole."
Things I learned today:
1) Not everyone enjoys fireworks on Independence Day.
2) M60 s can be very explosive when used correctly. (Since that's the intent, of course.)
3) Fireworks should not be lit indoors.
4) Pineapple guava white tea is delectable.
July 3, 2006
"He's hung like a horse, you know. A horse named My Little Pony."
Things I learned today:
1) It's a good idea to have a lightweight bike for emergency occasions, like jumping fences.
2) Teflon pans may give off potentially harmful fumes. (Don't stick to them. )
3) I like to air dry.
July 2, 2006
"A little too much chlorine in that gene pool."
Things I learned today:
1) Squagels allow squares to be hip; Don't be fooled by the tyranny of round.
2) The next asteroid to hit Earth is supposed to fall on Friday the 13th of April, 2029.
3) The senator in Iowa is seeking to tax pimps and prostitutes in high hopes to eradicate sex trade.
July 1, 2006
"Right back at you, slick."
Things I learned today:
1) Hard cider is delicious.
2) You can't eat soup standing up; Your knees buckle.
3) Mississsippi Mud is disgustingly cheap.
4) I lose respect for whatever amateurs attempt to dictate my duties.
June 30, 2006
"It's not a lie if you believe it."
Things I learned today:
1) People will always be meddlesome and in your business.
2) Three fourths of red colored berries are poisonous.
3) Compliments are underrated.
4) All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind.
June 29, 2006
"Back and forth. Forever."
Things I learned today:
1) Dreaming prevents my day from starting at a decent hour.
2) I had a dream last night that a hamburger was eating me.
3) In 2004, 784 people died by overdosing on caffeine.
June 28, 2006
"Don't litter; Spay your pets."
Things I learned today:
1) Never ride in the opposite direction that bugs fly.
2) Left-handed conch shells are a rare find.
3) What has been will effect what is, which will effect what will be.
4) I now prefer to watch most television and movies on mute with the Dirty Three effectively playing in the background.
5) It's all whatever I make it.
6) Lots of baking soda and coke could possibly result in a stomach explosion. Sometimes, maybe.
June 27, 2006
"I'm a born-again atheist."
Things I learned today:
1) Bad is never good until worse happens.
2) Bums give bad advice.
June 26, 2006
"It's fucking itchy."
Things I learned today:
1) Bitches don't deserve consideration.
2) New Yorkers are "shockingly not the rudest people" according to a national study.
3) It's a dangerous thing to do exactly what you want.
4) Operators for Disneyland's "It's a Small World" ride have a higher suicide rate than any other profession.
5) Don't look back.
June 25, 2006
"Cock-a-doodle-doo! (Your cock'll do.)"
Things I learned today:
1) I play guitar hero better when I'm drunk.
2) Hydration is key.
3) I prefer to remember my nights.
4) Floss has graduated to a whole new level and is now hi-tech. Thanks Publix.
5) When you have nothing to hide behind, you tend not to hide anything.
6) Never fight an inanimate object.
7) I wish I had more memorablilia.
June 24, 2006
"The dirt feels good when you're underground."
Things I learned today:
1) I wish I still tap danced.
2) I really dislike basting in my own sweat.
3) Everything's better when twat is involved.
4) I've seen the better half of my male friends nearabout naked.
June 23, 2006
"Don't stop living in the red."
Things I learned today:
1) People will fight one another in a grocery store over packaged lettuce.
2) Hair Cuttery is a rip-off.
3) Never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.
June 22, 2006
"More than a feeling."
Things I learned today:
1) High self-esteem is overrated.
2) You cannot be mad at someone who makes you laugh.
3) All I want is to have my peace of mind.
4) When I hear that old song they used to play, I begin dreaming; It's more than a feeling.
5) The best time to become pregnant is when you're a black teenager.
6) The Chinese version of Google links to at least 12,000 pages of United States government information that is illegal to disseminate in the U.S., and is thus not indexed by the American version of the search engine.
June 21, 2006
"I had like 500 of them last night."
Things I learned today:
1) Today is the longest day of the year, which should not be spent indoors working.
2) On average, a person spends two years of his/her life in a bathroom.
3) I realize I make mistakes sometimes and when I do, I like to forget about them completely.
June 20, 2006
"Get a clue."
Things I learned today:
1) People are rude.
2) Ants do not perceive gravity.
3) I don't want to work shitty hours for the rest of my life.
4) I do my best to always keep my word.
5) I don't like Knight Library.
6) I play a mean game of pool.
June 19, 2006
"The closer you are to death, the closer you are to feeling truly alive."
Things I learned today:
1) By riding my bike around, I still am finding out new roads and cut through streets after living in this city for 12 years.
2) My day feels worthwhile if my work done is appreciated.
June 18, 2006
"I don't know how to find a new boyfriend
Because the guy I'd like
Is probably sitting at home
Alone
Spending time on his computer
Reading this.
Come find me."
Things I learned today:
1) I moved away from home for a good reason.
2) I let my mother walk over me too often.
3) I'd rather buy an inappropriate and humorous card than a shitty sentimental hallmark. I'll save those sweet thoughts for cards I make myself.
4) Where we have strong emotions, we're liable to fool ourselves.
5) salad days \salad days\, noun:
A time of youthful inexperience, innocence, or indiscretion.
June 17, 2006
"Sam, you're full of beans!"
Things I learned today:
1) I want to visit more of what the tourist side of Orlando has to offer.
2) Dolly Parton is extremely patriotic.
3) The North always wins.
4) Ostriches are very odd animals.
5) Singers are egomaniacs.
6) Sometimes I like a challenge.
June 16, 2006
"You Rock!"
Things I learned today:
1) Each year I re-learn how hot it really gets here.
2) I can't stand the stench of dog shit.
3) Guitar Hero is my new favorite game and addiction.
4) I don't even know what's going on.
5) It takes both people to render situations between them.
6) In just 15 seconds, 250 electric eels can produce enough energy to power an electric golf cart for 130 minutes.
7) The preference for toilet paper roll arrangement, whether or not the paper drapes over or under the roll, is determined by a recessive gene carried in the X chromosome.
June 15, 2006
"Fuck you!"
"Not until you buy me dinner first!"
Things I learned today:
1) The trip to Gainesville seems shorter each time.
2) I miss friends.
3) I lose respect for people who can't do their job.
4) Edy's Slow Churned Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream is deceivingly not good.
June 14, 2006
"Grease Lightning"
Things I learned today:
1) I'm scared I'm setting myself up for failure.
2) East Lake hates people.
3) My dreams seem too real sometimes.
4) I don't like sake.
June 13, 2006
Happy Birthday Caroline!
Things I learned today:
1) I just want to make people smile.
2) Nobody can outbake Caroline's cakes.
3) It's not a good idea to invite everyone you know.
4) I've been building an emotional brick wall that is slowly, but surely being demolished.
5) Alcohol enhances while it impairs.
June 12, 2006
"Wtf"
Things I learned today:
1) There's something about arrogance that's ruthlessly unattractive.
2) A traffic school class has the most eclectic group of people.
3) Drivers should look in their rear view mirror every 5 seconds.
4) Air bags are released faster than the eye can see.
5) Never pass a cop on the highway in a work zone.
6) The short-beaked echidna is the only mammal that has been completely frozen and subsequently revived.
7) I like planning parties.
8) I think 90% of my issues are the result of miscommunication on either my behalf or another's.
9) I do believe I don't have many issues.
June 11, 2006
"Eleven is louder than ten."
Things I learned today:
1) I hate feeling inadequate
2) Adults over the age of 65 account for less than one percent of all search engine usage.
June 10, 2006
"It's a number game, but shit don't add up somehow."
Things I learned today:
1) I never want to do calculus ever again.
June 9, 2006
"I used to suck dick for coke."
Things I learned today:
1) When in doubt, check for yourself.
2) Bob Saget is hilarious.
3) When you dissect a joke too much, you have ruined whatever there is in comedy.
4) Pete makes good calls.
June 8, 2006
"Be cool and make the scene."
Things I learned today:
1) I do a horrible job of updating my archives on time.
2) I wish the past didn't matter so much.
3) I take the blame when I shouldn't.
4) #2 pencils are better than #1.
June 7, 2006
"Horseshit."
Things I learned today:
1) My car is equipped with many belts.
2) I need to save more money.
June 6, 2006
"Shield your eyes."
Things I learned today:
1) People are way too superstitious.
2) Cranial escritobattery is the technical term for hitting ones head against a solid surface such as a wall.
June 5, 2006
"If you just go out looking for what's rich and hot,
you'll end up with a piece of shit."
Things I learned today:
1) I'm not afraid of tomorrow.
2) Pearls will dissolve in vinegar.
3) To jump
4) To take a fall
June 4, 2006
"He was knockin' at my back door. What would you do in a situation like that?"
Things I learned today:
1) Honduras grows 54 percent of the world's popcorn.
2) The phrase "thinking outside the box" originated in Alcatraz Federal Prison as a way to reference escape plans.
3) I'm easily distracted.
4) May is lightning strike awareness month.
June 3, 2006
"Ten minutes, ten minutes."
Things I learned today:
1) Box jellyfish may be one of the scariest creatures alive.
2) Killer ants in Africa follow close behind.
3) The Discovery Channel is fantastic.
4) My heart works faster than my brain.
June 2, 2006
"I'm just lessening her consent, that's all."
Things I learned today:
1) I'm too hard on myself sometimes.
2) Due to raging wars in the Cocoa fields in South America the price of chocolate is expected to increase at least 15 percent this holiday season.
3) Drivers don't care about pedestrians/cyclists.
June 1, 2006
"Think about what you are doing."
Things I learned today:
1) I hate hospitals.
2) Cyclist's penis is not a good thing.
3) Back scratches are great.
May 31, 2006
"You're not a freak, just a freethinker on a topic most people would rather not think about."
Things I learned today:
1) I like biking to places that the average person thinks could only be driven.
2) I can't wait for the bike trail overpass to be finished.
3) My hands are sensitive to cold.
4) The dot below an exclamation point (!) is technically known as a barter dot.
May 30, 2006
"Dream on, kid."
Things I learned today:
1) The entire life cycle of a cockroach lasts only 48 hours.
May 29, 2006
"Whatever you want, whenever you want, as much as you want."
Things I learned today:
1) I trust people more than I should.
2) There are 2,930 ways to make change for $10.
3) BBQs are a good way to commemorate those killed in war.
4) Next time we'll use charcoal instead of wood chips.
5) Watermelon is a necessity to every barbeque.
6) Girls can be evil.
7) There's always more than one version of the same story.
8) I don't like sweet cereals.
9) The Game of Life is the best board game for puns.
May 28, 2006
"She didn't even feel a thing."
Things I learned today:
1) Going east on Aloma does not take you to where I thought it would.
2) I don't know much about X-Men. There. I said it.
3) Humans have the thickest eyelids in the animal kingdom.
May 27, 2006
"Well that's just a pocket full of posies, isn't it?"
Things I learned today:
1) Who you work with is sometimes more important than the actual job.
2) I like my bike.
3) Whenever I'm in a daze, I find myself thinking about the same thing every time.
4) There are currently about 11,000 phones tapped by the government in the United States.
May 26. 2006
"You show me yours, I'll show you mine."
Things I learned today:
1) Giving Joe cookies to share with others is the worst idea ever.
2) It's a good thing I have a spare set of keys.
May 25, 2006
"I love cheese."
Things I learned today:
1) I like to think about how others interpret my side of telephone conversations.
2) I hate extended good-byes.
3) Sometimes you have to kill them with kindness.
4) Never politely ask a person on a plane to sit down in the adjacent seat without expecting disappointing sighs from the schmuck.
5) The Delta lady behind the desk in Cincinatti, Ohio wanted Caroline and me to miss our flight.
6) It's a good idea to clean your car out of large objects before picking people up from the airport.
7) People who make elaborate requests concerning disposition of their bodies are probably people who have trouble with the concept of not existing.
8) If my body gets donated to science, I'd like to include a biographical note for my file so students can read it prior to studying my dilapidated remains.
May 24, 2006
"Remember, it's all a fantasy."
Things I learned today:
1) I am independent.
2) Transexuals make for a great dinner show, among other things I'm certain.
3) Making sure you bring back something for everyone on a trip was the most stressful thing on my vacation.
4) I don't like spicy foods.
5) I love making movies.
May 23, 2006
"You can come if you want to, but you can never leave."
Things I learned today:
1) I turn corners in a hazardly fashion.
2) Caroline and I start picture trends among other tourists.
3) The Japanese have beautiful landscaping.
4) Japanese girls at the tea garden in San Francisco don't like their picture taken.
5) I dislike the scent of many Californian flowers.
6) I want a bonsai tree.
7) Bison are boring animals.
8) According to the Great American Music Hall, under 21 equals a fragile age.
9) Every cliché about hippies is often pretty much true.
10) The state of Nevada has an anthem.
May 22, 2006
"What are the odds?"
Things I learned today:
1) There are lots of tall trees in California.
2) Famous people molded out of wax makes for a great museum.
3) China Town carries bizzare toys.
4) I want to pick up a tourist around my age and show him/her a good time in Florida.
5) I feel like I need to return favors.
6) I prefer to look at the hills and not bike up them all.
7) I think everyone trains for the Tour de France in San Francisco.
8) Taxi drivers really are crazy.
9) I like to offer gum to people I know will say no.
10) I like my tea with sugar.
11) I can't steal.
12) I pronounce 'sure' differently according to a man from Minnesota.
13) I appreciate Florida's flatlands more.
14) Cracked out dogs attract many tourists.
May 21, 2006
"Are you from Africa? I love you people!"
Things I learned today:
1) California lacks sufficient road signs.
2) Tamagotchi's are still a craze among 8 year olds.
3) Stanford's band is fun.
4) Cymbals are heavy.
5) There is such a thing as too much cowbell.
6) Although a great school, Stanford has no surrounding city life.
7) I need to cultivate a more inspiring, open mind.
8) I want a Mac computer.
May 20, 2006
"Just like that."
Things I learned today:
1) You have to choose between what's right and what feels good.
2) I allegedly drink beverages improperly.
3) I need to understand what others have done and how not to repeat it.
4) Haste doesn't always make waste.
5) All that's left is faded memories.
6) Just because it's your birthday doesn't mean you should cry.
7) I don't want to have kids for a long time.
8) San Francisco is overwhelming huge.
May 19, 2006
"This is where we shouted 'Eureka!' and danced around."
Things I learned today:
1) There's never enough time.
2) I want to see more.
3) I want to be more.
4) I want to live more.
5) You have to catch it while you can.
6) The thought of a rockslide stifling me at any moment has led me to be more dauntless in an otherwise unnerving situation.
7) Clean dirt is wanted at a rest stop near Yosemite.
8) GPS systems are quite nice.
May 18, 2006
"Okay that's enough for today, kids."
Things I learned today:
1) Don't bother waking up early to see the sun rise in Yosemite since it's impossible.
2) My new favorite hobby is early morning hiking around mountains and rampant rivers.
3) Yosemite Falls is the 5th tallest waterfall in the world at 2,425 feet.
4) El Capitan is the largest single monolith of granite in the world.
5) I'm living life the way I feel.
6) Deer aren't always caught in the headlights.
7) I'm not that good at skipping stones.
8) I've mostly overcome my caustic fear of heights.
9) A deer can be shot in the heart and run off 40 yards before collapsing.
10) A goat's lungs closely rememble those of a human.
11) I want to witness the 7 wonders of the world.
12) Yosemite is gorgeous; My breath was really taken away.
13) I never want to be a bus driver.
14) Those nature music CDs don't give justice.
15) Pictures just won't suffice.
16) I love when I get the opportunity to use all 5 of my senses at once for something worthwhile.
17) Vanna White and the Welch's grape juice girl give off completely different effects.
May 17, 2006
"Are we there yet?"
Things I learned today:
1) Long car rides with hyper kids is worse than a computer with no internet.
2) I need to achieve and fully understand the eternal present.
3) What was the is, is still the is, and I must live for now.
4) Answers come in time.
5) I've a newfound perception of the sky and the stars within it.
6) Times are hard for dreamers.
7) I wish Florida had more hills to look at.
8) Camping out in Yosemite was one of the top 10 decisions in my life so far.
May 16, 2006
"You better not be getting comfortable."
Things I learned today:
1) It's possible to dream a dream.
2) I always feel like I'm forgetting something when I have everything, and feel like I remembered everything when I really forgot something.
3) It's possible to miss baggage check at the airport by a second, and it results in a later flight and a $25 fee.
4) Delta hates me.
5) I shouldn't be scared to visit the Castro district of San Francisco. (Advice given from a gay man on my flight.)
6) Babies should be sedated on airplanes.
7) Even though most time during travel is spent sitting, it leaves me very tiresome at the end of the day.
8) We pass the time of day to forget how time passes.
9) Fur pie doesn't sell.
10) Life is a long rehearsal for a show that will never play.
11) California is beautiful (and cold).
May 15, 2006
"Your holes need to be plugged to stop those leaks."
Things I learned today:
1) I live near the edge.
2) I'm convinced people take their jobs too seriously and believe difficulty supplements satisfactory work or something kooky.
3) The Fundamentalist Christian plan is just as bad as the Taliban.
4) Mediocre people do exceptional things all the time.
5) There were 56 children killed in piñata-related accidents in 1995.
6) Scientology weirds me out.
7) I like to pick up where I left off.
May 14, 2006
"Talking trash to the garbage around you."
Things I learned today:
1) My mom and I are completely different.
2) My attention span is dwindling.
3) I hate feeling tired.
4) If the weather didn't change once in awhile, 9 out of 10 people couldn't start a conversation.
May 13, 2006
"I'll bury you alive and shit on your grave."
Things I learned today:
1) Sometimes it's better not knowing your destination.
2) Three out of four bicycle tires are at least halfway under pressure.
3) I have awful tan lines.
4) I need a better getaway car.
May 12, 2006
"Lean back."
Things I learned today:
1) Fortune cookies don't exist in China.
2) Air mattresses are not comfortable.
3) Never put hot objects on the floor or anywhere near the vicinity of your feet.
4) I love Park Ave CDs for hosting Art Brut to play at no cost to me.
5) Too many kids have cell phones; A 10 year old in the fourth grade does not need one.
6) I appreciate it when people introduce me to their friends.
7) Ricotta cheese on pizza is simply delectable.
8) The U.S. quarter is the most common coin in the world.
May 11, 2006
"How does it make you feel to know all of the words to this song?"
Things I learned today:
1) I have too many clothes I don't wear.
2) It's all about who you know.
3) Vacant houses generate a great atmosphere.
4) It's taking too long to find a bike I like.
5) Nearly one-third of teenagers whose families are on one or more government assistance programs own an iPod.
6) I like the dentist.
7) I need a good adrenaline rush.
8) I'm a fairly reasonable parallel parker.
9) Forming bets among friends are conducive to meeting new people.
May 10, 2006
"A is for Awkward."
Things I learned today:
1) You can fry anything.
2) I don't like the game I Spy.
3) If you return a personal library book on accident, you can't get it back. You actually have to check it out and return it in time or risk a fine.
4) The church on Lakemont and Aloma has the best signs. This week's: "Weight on your shoulders? Try some knee-bending."
5) By the time a human can detect the smell of feces, they have already inhaled approximately 26.84 million airborne pathogens originating from that excrement.
May 9, 2006
Love Gabby Day!
Things I learned today:
1) 15 friends and a spaghetti dinner makes me a happy person.
2) Girl talk with best friends is priceless.
3) I don't prefer to chug wine.
4) Stay away from cops at all expenses.
5) Hard work pays off.
6) Just say yes.
May 8, 2006
"Her oven is preheated and his dough is rising."
Things I learned today:
1) I'm not good at painting t-shirts.
2) I strive to make my friends happy.
3) I hate Valencia...more.
4) Bake 'n Fill was a great invention.
5) I'm a horrible liar.
6) Chimps are SO like us.
7) Wayne's World never gets old.
May 7, 2006
"Nice smile!"
Things I learned today:
1) I have crazy dreams that I can never lucidly explain to anyone, yet they make so much sense to me.
2) My family doesn't seem to fathom my humor.
3) Wal-mart is overwhelming.
4) Art projects are best when left as solo work.
5) I don't want to fret about the intangible future.
6) Something simple can change a life.
7) I shouldn't change the way I am for others' sakes. (not even for Pete's)
8) Extremely pious people cramp my style and make me feel uneasy.
9) I want to find the alternative to love.
10) It shouldn't be this hard.
May 6, 2006
"I'll call you when I get off."
Things I learned today:
1) I hope my three full gargabe bags full of old clothes make at least two people happy.
2) Finding 9th grade love notes previously stashed away in a shoebox is very nostalgic and emotive.
3) Sleeping is giving in.
4) I stay up way too late organizing my itunes.
5) Hot dogs evidently make great midnight snacks with friends.
6) Billy Joel has three greatest hits albums.
7) I do what I must do.
May 5, 2006
"Because we're in college and this is clearly what adults do."
Things I learned today:
1) I'm never going to live in a dorm again.
2) I realize life is short and I choose not to spend it around blowhards or creepy old men.
3) I'd rather live out of my suitcase than unpack one more thing.
4) Dominos pizza causes foul belches.
5) Sonny's is overpriced.
6) I want a Shiba Inu.
7) I want a drawing pad for my computer.
8) I want to be loved.
May 4, 2006
"Baths are for playtime; showers are serious cleaning time."
Things I learned today:
1) The sun rises too early.
2) I now have control of over 10,000 songs in the palm of my hand.
3) There are so many people I've yet to meet.
4) Jogging finals are not a bunch of shenanigans.
May 3, 2006
"I thought you'd come and go."
Things I learned today:
1) Obtaining my own official records is apparently a difficult task.
2) Family dinners are precious.
3) Arrested Development is terrific.
4) I made it a full year with my soul mate 800 miles away from me. I don't want to repeat that again.
5) I want what I can't have.
May 2, 2006
"I've got the job without the check."
Things I learned today:
1) It's inevitable; I'm predestined to have to pee during [long] car rides.
2) Although 80's night is a blast, it was brought to my attention that DJs tend to overindulge on Bohemian Rhapsody.
3) The downtown Orlando library has really cool lights out front.
May 1, 2006
"Maybe they think you'll attract more people because you're a whore."
Things I learned today:
1) I didn't learn enough in chem lab according to the final material.
2) I don't use my phone much, but I still feel discontented without it.
3) I rarely watch television, but "That 70's Show" is funny.
4) It comes to no surprise that all it takes is the passing of time.
April 30, 2006
"Youth is truth. I wish old rhymed with lies."
Things I learned today:
1) I cannot wait until I can shower without having to wear shoes. (Or standing in my own dirty water due to clogged drains.)
2) Each year, more than 20,000 serious injuries occur as the result of untied shoelaces.
3) There are more than 4 people that actually read this.
4) Bamboo might be the easiest plant to care for.
5) I'm eager to spend the summer at home with good friends.
6) I can do better than that.
7) The United States is the only country in the world where watching television consumes more time than employment.
8) The compound on the head of a matchstick is a more powerful explosive than TNT.
April 29. 2006
"That guy you're with is like a mouth full of sores."
Things I learned today:
1) As another school year comes to a close, I thankfully for the first time in 12 years, don't have to bother with the yearbook commotion and rubbish.
2) Some people have very distorted approaches on art.
3) I have no problem spending a few hours of my day alone in my room painting and listening to music.
4) I wish I could do the above more often.
5) Pepsi Cola vending machines are three times as likely as Coca-Cola machines to tip over and injure someone.
6) The Twilight Marigold is the only plant whose flower follows the moon.
7) One in ten people have more than two nipples.
8) Somebody ate a few too many of Mr. Graham's crackers.
9) People lie. A lot.
April 28, 2006
“When life kicks dirt in my face, I build a sand castle and call myself the king."
Things I learned today:
1) I need to buffer out the acids in my mind, because all of these q's and k's are setting off the equilibrium in my brain.
2) Chemistry humor strikes my fancy.
3) Pizza can be pricey.
4) I want to start a tradition.
April 27, 2006
"I don't care what you say, we're going on a holiday."
Things I learned today:
1) 5 hour chem reviews are agonizing.
2) The average car life uses 11,000 gallons of gasoline.
3) Eating an orange is like taking a trip through a citrus mountain.
4) Just because they're a little different from you and me doesn't make them freaks. It just means that you'll have to try a little harder not to let them make you feel uncomfortable.
5) I go on the Internet a lot.
6) I have the ability to seem aloof in moments of discomfiture.
April 26, 2006
"I'm like the boogeyman, nigga I'll get ya."
Things I learned today:
1)Yesterday's entry is a catch-22.
2) Due to global warming, it is expected that the Greenland ice sheet will completely melt by 2050.
3) Robotic legs may soon replace wheelchairs.
4) Art creates the illusion of being beyond the time, due to infinite susceptibility of the senses and exceptionally mystique interaction between them.
5) I enjoy it when people I don't know strike amusing conversations with me.
6) My brother spent his 24th birthday alone today and I wish I was there to throw him a huge party. He inspires me.
7) Life is a party and parties weren't meant to last.
April 25, 2006
"Shut up. I'm the driver, you're the passenger."
Things I learned today:
1) I have agreed to disagree with the notion that we learn something new everyday. In fact, there are days where I even forget several things.
April 24, 2006
"I've been waiting for a girl like you to come into my life. "
Things I learned today:
1) The UF infirmary is horrible.
2) I have a noncommunicable viral rash. So don't worry, I can touch you all I want.
3) Apparently true geeks know that Jabba the Hutt is spelled with two t's.
4) Statistics are bull shit.
5) Sleep deprivation sure does elongate my day.
6) I'm ready for this semester to be over.
7) Valencia operators are unacceptably uninformed.
8) I don't utilize many of the choices given to me to their maximum potential.
9) I vow to whenever possible, surround myself exclusively with people who make me feel good.
April 23, 2006
"I'm glad you didn't die today."
Things I learned today:
1) I work with dimwits.
2) Don't dwell on the past; at least not unless it keeps coming back and biting you in the ass.
3) Vodka does not do anything for poison ivy. Sorry to burst that myth bubble.
4) Bestiality is spelled like this. Get it right. Seventh grade spelling bees rule.
5) It's good to stay busy.
6) I'm easily distracted.
7) Target Copy plays good music.
April 22, 2006
"You know what people say about staring into the sun."
Things I learned today:
1) As calculated by the Urban Institute in 1991, you are worth $2.7 million. That's the economic value of the cost of somebody dying and its effects on society.
2) Painting makes time pass very quickly.
3) Stumble! brings me to some outlandish websites.
4) I get sick at the most inopportune times.
5)According to Kirk Cameron, I am going to hell.
April 21, 2006
"There are people I know who won't hurt me. I call them corpses."
Things I learned today:
1) I've successfully archived daily for a month now.
2) Don't rely on anyone.
3) I failed at drawing optical isomers.
4) Bonnie is a twat.
5) Automobile manufacturers use cadavers in crash simulators.
6) I haven't had a summer free of school in five years.
7) I'd donate my remains for medical education and/or research.
8) If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your horn and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start and send them on their way.
9) No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
10) Free time is a beautiful thing.
April 20, 2006
"I'm coming...are you?"
Things I learned today:
1) It's getting to be that time of year again in Florida. Unbearable.
2) Typing in all caps is very intimidating.
3) High fives > Low fives. Duh.
4) I love the 90's.
5) Being dehydrated is a drag.
6) My walls look very barren with little posters/art up.
7) Rule number 14 is to always acknowledge the love for a friend before dispersing.
8) My place of living next year shall be publicized as the Fun House.
9) It's National High Five Day. (The one that counts most among other highs...and days.)
10) Rule number 84: it doesn't matter if you forget and make up the number, but you must always, always remember the rule.
11) Don't try to solve serious matters in the middle of the night.
April 19, 2006
"It's hard to make the good things last."
Things I learned today:
1) I wish I could get an 88/80 on all of my papers in college. Mama always told me to shoot for 110%.
2) Stationary bicycles just aren't as fun as the mobile ones.
3) I hate being transferred to different operators on the phone and having to restate my position over and over.
4) I don't feel the need to know calculus.
5) I never have to take another CHM2046 lab ever again.
April 18, 2006
"You break my heart, you pay for it."
Things I learned today:
1) David Dondero is an exquisitely genuine person.
2) The mall in Gainesville sucks.
3) I'm a sucker for cute greeting cards.
4) Strawberry is my favorite chapstick flavor.
5) Standing for a prolonged period of time aches my back.
6) It feels good to be remembered.
7) Americans have on average 2.3 nicknames.
April 17, 2006
"Hello? Is this thing on?"
Things I learned today:
1) My advisor needs to know more.
2) There's nothing like reading a good book under a tree and falling asleep with the bright sun and a slight breeze across your backside.
3) I don't get much out of attending lectures.
4) I'm really looking forward to going to San Francisco.
5) You've got to tolerate some of those people that you hate.
6) Boys are stupid.
7) Boys are stupid.
8) Boys are stupid.
April 16, 2006
Laura: You know who I think is attractive and funny?
Me: Me?
Laura: Dammit, that's what I was going to say.
Me: That's why I love you.
Things I learned today:
1) Easter is the second top selling candy holiday. (Halloween is first.)
2) 8,000,000,000 (shyea, that's billion) pounds of candy is consumed each year in the United States alone.
3) I don't like being rushed to order my food.
4) 7 Native American tribes, 13 African tribes, and 2 Asian tribes had myths predicting that the end of the world would be between 2005 and 2015. Is tomorrow the day?
5) It's a person's prerogative to be an asshole and fabricate drama, but it's pointless, useless, and I don't want to be a part of it; leave me out.
6) It's easier than I thought to point out bogus people.
April 15, 2006
"Kids, it's important to be patient."
Things I learned today:
1) It's okay to have a lazy day.
2) Sometimes it's challenging to keep patience.
April 14, 2006
"I can go the distance."
Things I learned today:
1) Waking up at 1 P.M. really puts a damper on my day.
2) Laying outside under the trees for two hours while reminiscing with friends was the perfect way to spend my Friday afternoon.
3) Although the process of a scrupulous cleaning is unexciting, the end product is very satisfying.
4) It's heartwarming to know people care.
5) I won't be getting an "A" grade in Chem2.
6) I wash my pillowcase more than my sheets.
April 13, 2006
"Don't listen to stoops over here."
Things I learned today:
1) I need to stop waiting until the day of my exam to study.
2) My new favorite chemical is Arsine, or Arsenic Hydride. (It's formula is AsH3. )
3) When all else fails, just lie.
4) Don't get on a bus alone at night with freaks. Or pursuing rapists.
April 12, 2006
"Today was supposed to be opposite day."
Things I learned today:
1) A large group of people doing random things at random times is great.
2) Capturing these moments for digital finishing is even better.
3) 1 Credit classes shouldn't be so arduous.
4) It takes a lot to really know someone.
5) Sometimes I care too much of what others think.
April 11, 2006
"What would you do if you woke up beautiful tomorrow?"
Things I learned today:
1) Powerpoint presentations are almost always monotonous and dull.
2) Easter is no more (or less) than eggs and an asinine bunny to me.
3) Don't ever try to just let a little out; it will all cascade down.
4) From accredited sources, there are evidently many beautiful gay guys at UF.
5) I'm so fucking beautiful.
6) If I ever lost my sense of humor, I think I'd contemplate suicide.
April 10, 2006
"There's no depth to his shallowness."
Things I learned today:
1) Being a transient student during the summer is easier than I thought, and a waste of an hour waiting to see my advisor.
2) Finding MAC2311 (Calculus with Analytical Geometry) offered in just summer b is practically useless.
3) Attendance policies are stupid; it should be up to me if I can't handle the work load.
4) I'm not always proficient in expressing my feelings and/or emotions.
5) I can make situations extremely awkward for some people.
April 9, 2006
"This can potentially be a problem if you don't know what's going on."
Things I learned today:
1) The correct plural form of octopus according to its Greek etymology is octopata.
2) Chemistry tutoring is dispiriting.
3) I wish I didn't live as far from some things/people.
4) The UK's version of 911 is 999.
5) I decided to never invest too much emotion in one thing. It's always a set-up to the pain of losing them.
April 8, 2006
"Look what sissy grew!"
Things I learned today:
1) Partying with my brother is priceless bonding time.
2) Peppermint schnapps is delectable.
3) Butt sex is a lot like spinach; If you're forced to have it as a child, you won't enjoy it as an adult. (I'd like to clarify that this is just a joke and has no affiliation with my childhood.)
April 7, 2006
"Why are you wearing clothes?"
Things I learned today:
1) There are some circumstances where the above question could seem totally appropriate.
2) Being surrounded by hundreds of people wearing nothing but underwear isn't as uncomfortable as I'd imagined. And yes, I have envisioned it many times before.
3) I'm glad I go to UF.
4) It tickles my insides when an encompassing mass of people cheer and give high fives.
5) My current fall 2006 schedule:
- Organic Chemistry
- Biology
- Biology Lab
- Gardening, Plants, and You
- Lost Tribes and Sunken Continents
- The Artistic Experience
- CPR and 1st Aid
6) Schedule making is tedious work.
April 6, 2006
"I went to the cashew factory last night. It was nuts!"
Things I learned today:
1) Indian runs are not fun. In fact, I'd rather just have a pow-wow.
2) Nature is nurturing.
3) Dancing with the uninfected makes for better festivites.
4) Drunk people go haywire over busses at 2 A.M.
5) Late night intoxication diverts me from my archives.
April 5, 2006
"Got my mind on my money, and money on my mind."
Things I learned today:
1) I wish I had more green.
April 4, 2006
Happy birthday to my brother. I love him.
Things I learned today:
1) I hate my scooter.
2) I hate putting money into shit that never works.
3) I hate smelling like gasoline.
4) I hate classes that waste my time.
5) I love life and pretty pictures.
April 3, 2006
I don't even know what today is.
Things I learned today:
1) Staying up for over 40 hours straight makes me one silly bitch. Maybe even two.
2) Last minute research papers suck.
3) People go absolutely berserk over college basketball.
4) I shake my fist at parking citations.
5) Anywhere from 400 to 1,000 tickets are issued on UF's campus every day.
6) Over a million dollars worth of parking violations are raised per year, which sequentially pays for law enforcement costs in an almost equivalent manner. What a waste.
7) I like to occasionally remind myself that I'm grateful for things most people take for granted.
8) It's a nice feeling to get good grades again.
9) I like to give.
10) I won't accept anything in return as it would then cease to be a meritorious act.
April 2, 2006
"I'm superior [to you crims]. I mean, I'm super. How are you?"
Things I learned today:
1) I don't like losing an hour of sleep due to DST. Or to anything for that matter.
2) I do like the time of day the sun sets when daylight savings time begins.
3) It would be interesting to be born inbetween 1 A.M and 2 A.M of DST since they occur twice. It's like you already had your first birthday.
4) I don't respect anyone who solemnly mocks me.
5) I like to motivate myself by writing silly ambitious statements on sticky notes.
April 1, 2006
Don't fool yourself.
Things I learned today:
1) I almost succeeded in severing ties between me and the world.
2) I like to sometimes put myself in hypothetical situations and mull over how my life would be different.
3) I'm glad my future spouse isn't chosen for me.
4) I hate the e-journal database.
5) In the end, I like facing my fears.
March 31, 2006
"You can quote me on this quote end quote."
Things I learned today:
1) It's possible to cram the past 3 weeks of chemistry into a 2 hour study session preceding a quiz.
2) I'm always late in returning library books.
3) There are way too many movies I haven't seen, that I wish to.
4) The court house in Gainesville is 10 times bigger than it has to be.
5) Traffic court is stupid and the government is stealing my money.
6) Selling my plasma for the second time in 3 days leaves my body notably fatigued.
7) A mixed CD exchanging party was a very good idea.
8) Apple products are unreasonably priced.
9) I hate the feeling of being unmotivated.
10) March went by at hypersonic speed. Just about.
March 30, 2006
"You touch yourself all of the time?"
Things I learned today:
1) Sumo [wrestling] dates back to 23 B.C.
2) I'm always late for what I hate.
3) I hate chemistry lectures.
4) Mates of State can sell out to this hick city of Gainesville; Wtf.
5) It saddens me that I missed an opportunity to see Conor Oberst.
6) It's possible to fail chem lab because some loser spilled potassium on your burner.
7) Looping Enya's Return to Innocence is fantastically ridiculous.
8) If I told Laura I hated her, moved away, and left her with my bills to pay, she would hurt herself out of living in a boring existence. I count that as some eccentric form of compassion.
9) I sleep too much.
March 29, 2006
"MacGayver stole my ideas."
Things I learned today:
1) A teleporter would be of great aid in my lifestyle.
2) Burning food renders it hopeless and ruined. forever.
3) I don't know what I'm looking for, but I know that I want to look some more.
4) I don't know what I'm living for, but I know that I just want to live some more.
5) Sulfur reeks.
6) Stupid and obnoxious people tick me off.
7) I hate living in a bedroom.
8) Time passes way too fast.
9) Reading about cadavers prior to bedtime may account for strange dreams.
10) First impressions aren't everything.
March 28, 2006
"We're master debaters."
Things I learned today:
1) Getting paid to help save lives is dandy.
2) The internet and instant messenging leads me to be very unpunctual.
3) I hate needles.
4) You're never too old for a juice box.
5) Unexpected packages from best friends are very merry.
6) Puns are fantastic.
7) I don't want to have sex with a guy who's had sex with a guy.
8) Watching drunk people can be very entertaining.
March 27, 2006
"You mean you've never tried anilingus?"
Things I learned today:
1) Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is a fear of long words.
2) About 5% of the American population is exclusively homosexual.
3) A little flattery goes a long way.
March 26, 2006
"Winter is a cold month."
Things I learned today:
1) It's very expeditious to find someone on the highway with a radar detector and follow him.
2) An awkward situation can turn partial if you just make fun of the person.
3) Sometimes cuddling is all it takes to feel that warmth at the tip of your stomach.
4) Procrastination sucks. Even though I know it, I re-learn it everytime.
5) I want a synth.
6) Seeing old friends is rewarding.
7) People come and go.
March 25, 2006
"I only drink when I plan on making out with someone later."
Things I learned today:
1) Dane Cook never gets old.
March 24, 2006
"I Call This The Aristocrat."
Things I learned today:
1) It's possible to have too much music. However, I'm not there yet.
2) Sometimes money does show love.
March 23, 2006
"Cool Cats Always Make The Scene."
(Even the Natural Museum of History told me so. )
Things I learned today:
1) Putting your kid on a leash is probably the worst idea ever.
2) Krishna lunch is good and good for you; Curry has been studied and reported to help prevent Alzheimer's Disease.
3) Museums are a lot of fun.
4) Some species of sharks used to be 60 feet long.
5) Giant Sloths: They're big, but they're still slow.
6) There's a decent art museum on campus.
7) Spelunking would be a cool hobby.
March 22, 2006
Laura: I need someone to read over my paper on mono.
Me: Watch out. He might catch something. You know. Like grammar mistakes.
Things I learned today:
1) Coming into contact with 15M Nitric Acid (HNO3) really sucks and turns you asian.
2) Don't go to a bathroom without a tool kit. Okay, or a phone or something. I got locked in the chem lab bathroom and had to climb out the window. Good thing I was on the first floor, eh?
3) Guys are selfish.
4) I like making lists of the little and big things I've learned.
5) Painting on canvas with acrylics is my new favorite hobby.
